Inspired by “Ask Me Bang – Paulita”, a guest film by Berlin-based porn studio Hardwerk – ForPlay Films presents a useful guide to making your OWN gang bang fantasy a reality. First, watch the destabilizing, empowering film “Ask Me Bang – Paulita” directed by and starring porn auteur Paulita Pappel in her on-screen debut. And then let yourself daydream about having your very own gang bang fantasy come to life… and perhaps come all over you, too.
Sorry. We couldn’t resist.
What is a Gang Bang?
A Gang Bang is a group sex scenario involving multiple people. But unlike threesomes, foursomes, or other group-sex scenes, gang bangs involve most of the participants “topping” and focusing on one “bottom” receiver.
That lucky center of attention gets to have all their holes and hands filled by the voracious cocks and fingers and toys deployed by the circle of surrounding players. The more the merrier, perhaps?
“I think to have the feel of a ‘gang’, you probably want at least five people involved, probably more.” says ForPlay founder Inka Winter. “But if you’re starting out making your own fantasy a reality, you can go as low as you need to. The priority should definitely be trust, not number of participants.”
But wait, aren’t Gang Bangs degrading?
You may have already experienced gang bang pornography from mainstream porn. Perhaps you even recoiled from common themes of women being “used” and “abused”. But the truth is, gang bangs can be whatever you want them to be! As Paulita Pappel notes in her “Ask Me Bang” interview, “No sexual act is degrading to anyone, unless the person doing the act means to degrade the person. Sex acts don’t degrade people. People degrade people. Everything is about consent.”
So you do you! How do you want to feel during your gang bang? Do you want to feel worshipped? Do you want to feel cherished and adored? Do you want a bevy of desperate subs begging to fuck you? Or do you want to feel dominated and controlled? And yes, with consent and negotiation, you can even explore degradation and feeling “used” in an empowering and safe way. The important part is to know how you want to feel, and make sure everyone you invite into the room is on the same page.
“The most exciting thing about a gang bang is that I’m like the princess, I’m like the middle of it, and everyone is there for me,” relishes Paulita Pappel, in her gang-bang performance debut. In yours, you get to be the star, so write your own script, baby!
Can Gang Bangs be Queer?
Yes! There’s no reason you can’t have any combination of tops “ganging” one bottom. Genitalia and gender identity have nothing to do with it – so again, let your desires and your imagination be your guide! And as with everything, consent is the key.
Okay, so I want to have a Gang Bang – where do I start?
Before you invite anyone else into the picture, make sure you get clear with yourself first. How do you want to feel? Are there any particular stories you want to play out? What are your needs, desires, boundaries?
Don’t forget – this includes emotional, psychological, as well as physical safety needs. Consider health issues, triggers, aftercare, safe sex precautions, STD testing needs, disclosure requirements, and hard and soft limits. Do you want to include toys, restraints or other kinky accoutrements? What do you want to be called, if anything – slut, baby, goddess, sweetheart? What carnal dishes do you want to include in your gang-bang buffet – anal, double penetration, triple penetration, impact? You get to set the boundaries within which everyone will play, so try and consider all possibilities. Consider using a “Yes/No/Maybe” checklist if you feel lost.
“I love this selection of lists from Sexual Health Alliance, which is also where I got my sex educator and counselor certification.” says Inka Winter. “Try it as a jumping-off point – and you can always add more if there’s something that’s missing.”
And don’t forget – everyone you bring on board gets to have their own limits, needs, and boundaries too. So make sure you’re crystal clear on everyone’s requirements, so you can make sure you’ve found good matches. Consent is everything, so make sure you give it, and get it!
Safe Words, and a Safe Watcher
As with all higher-risk sexual activity, safe words are crucial. Here at ForPlay Films we’re big fans of the classic kinky “traffic light” system – calling out “yellow” to ask folks to slow down, and “red” for an immediate hard stop to all activity. But you can choose whatever works for you!
Remember that your mouth might be filled at any point, so make sure to also establish non-verbal signals to stop. Three hard grunts, three sharp taps with a free limb, or three sharp stamps on the ground should give you enough wiggle room to cover most gang-bang eventualities, even if your lips and tongue are otherwise occupied.
With something this intense and complicated, you may also want to consider asking someone to be an objective safe-watcher. Invite a trusted person to be a non-participant voyeur. Make sure they know the limits and boundaries everyone has agreed to – and ask them to be your safety net, just in case. They can keep an eye out for you (and everyone else’s) safety, and step in if a boundary gets crossed.
Invite your Players
Hopefully you have some similarly-minded friends or lovers you already know and trust to be your “Gang”. But if not, think about exploring swinger sites, kink communities, and sex clubs for like-minded folks. Fetlife, Feeld, SLS, and SDC, are possible online resources. Just remember to be extra careful if you’re going the stranger route. It’s great to at least have one mutual connection – but if you need to cast your net wider, just be smart about it.
Regardless of how well you know the possible players, you’re going to want to do your due diligence. Vet your participants carefully – get references from previous play-partners if you can. Ask for test results, make sure they want what you want, make sure they honor boundaries. Maybe your designated “Safe Watcher” can help be an objective eye at this stage of the process, and get to know the candidates they’ll be overseeing.
And if this is your first time, think small and selective. As Inka Winter reminds us, “The most important thing is to find trustworthy participants you feel good about – not break any world records!”
Choose your Space
Now you have the players, find a safe space where the gang bang can go down. For smaller groups a private home might be the best bet – or a one-night hotel rental, assuming the walls are thick, and there are no neighbors to worry about! For larger groups you may want to rent out a sex club or dungeon. If you opt to do Air BnB you’ll want to be extra considerate. You might want to make sure the hosts are open to you hosting a small, ahem, adult-themed party on their property. Better to be up-front and pay a higher cleaning deposit than create iffy sexual karma – remember, consent matters!
Wherever space you choose, scope it out ahead of time to make sure it’s clean, private, accessible, and comfy for everyone’s needs. Remember parking! You’ll definitely want showers available. Think about extra protection for couches and chairs. And don’t forget to stock up on essentials! Condoms, lube, towels, baby wipes, WATER, and snacks will be key.
Lastly, some mood-setting intangibles will go a long way towards creating the vibe you want – think sensual lighting and music. And be careful with any mind-altering substances – you want to make sure everyone is fully present, mindful, and able to respect all agreed-upon boundaries. Besides, you’ll want to remember every moment, right?
Enjoy the Experience
Congratulations – you’ve managed to deal with all the vetting, logistics, pre-production and planning to make this a reality. Good for you! Now you deserve to let go and enjoy it.
On the day, try to release expectations, and stay present. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a safe-watcher to take responsibility for any last second details. So breathe deeply, and be in the moment. Make sure you’re rested, fed and well-hydrated. Touch down with your cast of players, and make any necessary introductions. Let yourself giggle and relish the anticipation!
Before you begin, take the time to recap all the boundaries, safe words, and requirements – as well as desires and dreams. Think about taking a page from the kink or porn communities, and gather everyone for an official “consent talk”. This is where people can talk in-person, and share their yeses and nos, their hard and soft boundaries, their preferences and dislikes… before arousal starts to blur everyone’s senses. Let this be part of your foreplay – if participants are open to it, you can allow gentle touches and caresses, and start getting comfortable with each other.
If you need an example or two, check out some of our performers having the consent talk before they film their scenes. And remember – “no” is as much of a gift as a “yes”!
Everyone clear about boundaries, need, and desires? Everyone hot and eager to start? Great!
This is the moment you’ve been planning for so long – now it’s time to co-create, and discover it, together.
You’ve earned it.
Breathe. Explore. Pace yourself, listen to your body. DON’T change your limits in the heat of arousal, and don’t be afraid to call yellow or red. Take breaks when you need to. Ask for what you want. And remember, it’s the first time – but it doesn’t have to be the last! So go easy on yourself.
Aftercare
Here at ForPlay we’re big fans of aftercare after any sexual act – but that goes double (And triple, and quintuple) for something as intense as a gang-bang. Make sure you allow time and space for the aftermath, whatever that looks like for you. Do you want space, and everyone to leave you alone to fall asleep with a movie? Do you want a long cuddle puddle and lots of sweet kisses and caresses? Chocolate, snacks, tea?
And don’t forget, your gang-bang tops may need reassurance and connection too – they’ve delivered and experienced their own intense sexual high, and deserve a chance to come down gently.
Final Thoughts
Remember, gang bangs are INTENSE, so you may want to keep it simple for your first time. You don’t need a football team’s worth of players to make your fantasy a reality – start small and manageable, test it out, and if you love the experience, you can always go up from there.
Don’t forget that real life is not porn. It doesn’t have to look like what you’ve seen on your screen. Embrace what is, in all its messy glory, lean into the imperfect rather than trying to meet a fantasy ideal, and you’re much more likely to have a great time.
Finally – remember that sometimes a fantasy can remain just that – a fantasy. After all, sex in your mind is the least risky sex there is. So if you’ve read this far, and feel overwhelmed – that’s okay! You can totally stick to watching porn, and live vicariously through our incredible performers. Enjoy the rush and thrill of Ask Me Bang, and all our group sex videos, and keep coming back for more.
But if you’re dreaming of making your daydream real?
Go forth and bang.