Valentine’s Day is coming, and we hope you will, too!
Here at ForPlay Films we’re a fan of any excuse to explore and celebrate sexuality and connection. So however you feel about the Hallmark Holiday, why not use the occasion to deepen and explore your situation-ship? No teddy bears, roses, or champagne required (although they sure can be fun too!). You and your Valentine can have a low-or-no-cost V-day that’s filled with more love than a box of chocolates, no matter the state of the world, or your wallet.
Here are some grounded ideas to make V-day especially meaningful.
A good excuse to open up
Even though it might be hard to tune out the endless commercials, and the pressure to “go all out”, Valentine’s Day can also be a great time to strip the excess away. You and your sweetie can make a conscious choice to focus on the basics of your relationship: connection, communication, and just being-in-the-moment. Trust us on this one: Mindfulness and synchronized breathing can be even hotter than a brand-new toy.
Or hey, why not try both? Valentine’s Day can be a great excuse to try something new and exciting – as long as everyone involved is down! Have you been wanting to try something a little kinky? Some daring role-play? Watch some porn (ahem!)? Or perhaps you just want to banish phones and screens and gaze into your lover’s eyes for a while. Whatever you’re into, we’re here for it – as long as your boo is, too.
Valentine’s Day also a great excuse to open up communication if you tend to be a little shy. (Read on to find out a few ways to get the conversation flowing…!)
How to bring up trying something new in the bedroom
Of course, consent is key in all sexuality, so we highly recommend talking with your lover first, before whipping out the wax and paddles OR the tantric breathing!
If you’re nervous, one good way to start the conversation is to put your partner first. Find a moment where everyone is relaxed, hydrated, and rested, and ask them what *they* might have been wanting to do. And then – just listen! Who knows, they might come up with exactly the same thing that you’ve been dreaming of, or spark something unexpected to add to your own bucket list. And by listening first, you’re demonstrating care and consideration, and showing through your actions that you care about their needs being met. That trust is a great foundation to continue the conversation about your own desires. It’s always easier to be open-minded and kind when you’ve been shown the same thing already. Hopefully your sweetie will extend the same courtesy and consideration to you!
Another low-pressure way to find out where wants and needs coincide is by trying a “yes/no/maybe” list! You can do these a day or two ahead of time, or even make these your shared Valentine’s gift to each other. These lists are great for newer partners, as well as people who have been together-since-forever. They’re a great tool to deepen communication whilst expanding your sexual horizons. Who knows what hot shared interests you might unearth, together?
One advantage to these lists is that, if you’re especially nervous, you don’t have to “out” yourself about a specific burning need, independently. And at the same time, you might find your interest piqued by something you’d never truly considered before (primal play, anyone?).
Another fun thing to try – and of course, we’re a little biased! – is to watch some ethical porn together. Put on a film (no-pressure and no-expectation!) and watch it together. Let yourselves giggle, or get aroused. Take a little break from just-watching if you need to, to work out some sexual tension! And then talk about what you liked, what intimidated you, what you might want to try, and what you prefer to keep in the realm of fantasy. It’s a great way to find inspiration and just start ongoing communication about your shared sexuality.
However you choose to open the conversation, sharing one’s sexual desires, no matter the method, is a deeply vulnerable thing. So please treat the communication and trust itself as the gift that it is, even if you don’t get exactly the exact outcome you want – and you should be able to expect the same kindness and respect in return! And remember, no kink-shaming allowed. You kink may not be my kink – and that’s a-okay.
One last reminder: respect and kindness doesn’t mean a blanket “yes”. You never have to do anything you don’t want to do. You get to have boundaries as well as desires. It’s all the beautiful gift of you!
Warming up and connecting
Once you and your partner have a good sense of something you’d like to try, consider an emotional grounding and connecting ritual before you begin. Think of this as a mental and spiritual trust-building, even before foreplay. But, honestly, it can also be the main event!
Once you and your partner know what your boundaries and limits are – and also your hopeful desires! – create a safe, comfortable, and sensual space. Break out the nice sheets, light a scented candle or diffuse some essential oils, lock the door, dim the lights, put on some low-key music – whatever helps you feel like you’re creating a mood. Have water handy, and whatever you’re looking to play with.
And above all else – don’t forget to turn off your phones! 😉
Sit opposite your partner, however feels most comfortable for you. Just gaze at each other for a moment, letting yourselves breathe naturally. If you giggle, that’s okay! Allow whatever comes up emotionally to just be. In fact, you can take turns naming how you’re currently feeling – “nervous”, “excited”, “horny”, “frustrated” – with acceptance and no judgment.
Then hold hands and gaze at your partner. Take turns naming things you love and are grateful for in the other person. And take the time to really listen and absorb what they’re saying about you.
Finish by synchronizing your deep breathing. You might rest here for a while, just enjoying the connection you’ve made together, and the spiritual-physical high. Or you can go even deeper, and try some tantric meditation rituals.
When you’re ready, start trailing your hands over each other’s bodies. Take your time. Feel the sensations, pay attention to what you smell, what you hear, what you taste, not just what you see and feel. Let all your senses awaken.
You might want to transition into “yab yum” lotus position. Or perhaps this is a good time to slowly strip off your clothes, if you aren’t naked already. Let it be whatever it wants to be. Let your sexuality, and sensuality, flow.
If you want to experience a guided meditation, or watch one real couple’s tantric meditation unfold in real time, try watching ForPlay Films’ new release “Tantric Morning”, featuring Bonni B Good and Tripp Empire, narrated by our very own Inka Winter. You don’t need anything else to celebrate love, but love, after all.
Incorporating the New
Whether it’s a new butt plug, a power dynamic, or tantric breathing itself, we find that it helps to come to it with a sense of discovery and playfulness. Some positions might feel awkward at first, or they might not fit quite-right (everyone’s anatomy is a little different, after all!). Or it might take some trial-and-error to find your groove with whatever toy you’re experimenting with. That goes double if you’re both beginners! So be kind to yourself and each other, let yourselves laugh at yourselves, and take each moment as it comes. Approach it so that the process of play is the joy in-and-of-itself, not the end-goal of orgasm, and that way no-one can be disappointed!
Also, if there’s something that’s higher-risk, or physically or emotionally intense that you’re trying, you’ll want to make sure you’re being particularly conscientious about checking-in throughout. Make sure you have clear safe-words set up in advance, and know each others’ hard and soft limits. Here’s a quick primer on kink boundaries, communication, and safewords, if you need a brush-up!
Winding down
Whenever things come (ahem) to a natural close, take your time landing with each other. Aftercare can be just as beautiful as the main event. Take your time taking each other in, listening to each other’s heartbeat, sharing your breathing. If you both feel like being verbal, you can share things you’re grateful for, things you loved experiencing during your intimacy together. Or maybe silence might be most nourishing, after your sensory overload. Depending on your dynamic, one of you can get water, tea, or snacks. This might be a great time for a favorite blanket, a plushie, a familiar movie, or a nap. And since it’s Valentine’s day, now’s a GREAT time to whip out the chocolate, and replenish your blood sugar. Whatever makes you feel safe, cozy, and loved.
The good news is, Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to create a spiritual sexual connection – but it doesn’t have to be a rare occasion! These practices are available to you any time you want, free of charge. All you need is the intention, the will, and the time. And then every day can be a celebration of connection.
Want more? Or like what you see, and want to dive in deeper? Check out our collection of videos for more ideas, and more authentically-connected erotic films. And if you are looking for a present for V-Day, why not share a ForPlay Films membership?